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Marisa Peer joins Tim Gray to break down how limiting beliefs are formed in childhood, why emotion beats logic every time, and why the language we use with ourselves is the most powerful tool we have for change.

They explore why the subconscious mind runs the show, how thoughts show up in the body, and why “I’m not enough” is learned rather than something we are born with.

In this episode, we explore:

➡︎ Why therapy does not have to take years
Marisa explains her three-step approach of finding the pattern, making sense of it and getting rid of it all at once, and why she believes the idea that healing has to be slow is something therapists were taught rather than something that is true.

➡︎ Why the words “my” and “the” matter
Marisa shares why owning a problem (“my migraine”, “my anxiety”) makes it harder to let go of, why “the” is the better prefix for anything you do not want, and why most things we call hard are simply unfamiliar.

➡︎ How phobias and limiting beliefs are formed
Marisa and Tim discuss why nobody is born with a phobia, how a frightened child and an authority figure create an imprint that lasts for decades, and why children so often take ownership of their parents’ problems.

➡︎ Why emotion beats logic, and how pictures and words shape how you feel
Marisa explains how changing the picture in your head and the words you use can change your feelings and behaviour, why the brain only speaks in “now”, and her three daily habits: maximise positive language, minimise negative language and visualise good things.

➡︎ How beliefs show up in the body
Tim and Marisa explore the placebo effect, how stress thoughts influence the body, and the “role, function, purpose” technique that asks whether a symptom or behaviour is there to protect, prioritise or punish.

➡︎ Where “I’m not enough” comes from
Marisa explains why comparison is the thief of joy, why we should reward effort rather than achievement, why imposter syndrome affects almost everyone, including Hollywood stars, and why being “flawsome” beats chasing perfection.

Marisa Peer is a world-renowned therapist, speaker and bestselling author, and the creator of Rapid Transformational Therapy (RTT). With over 30 years of experience working with CEOs, Olympic athletes and Hollywood stars, she has become one of the most recognised names in the wellbeing world. Her latest book, Your Mind, Your Rules, sets out 16 rules for making your mind work for you rather than against you.

Highlights:
00:00 Intro

01:35 Why therapy does not have to take years

03:32 “My” versus “the”: how ownership language keeps problems in place

06:20 Why children take ownership of their parents’ problems

09:02 How phobias are formed 12:35 Why emotion beats logic

15:15 Talking yourself out of fear

23:02 IVF, visualisation and the placebo effect 26:54 Where “I’m not enough” comes from

29:19 Whatever you look for, you will find

36:35 Three things that change your life

40:36 The four roles and why they lead to burnout

42:15 How beliefs show up as physical symptoms

43:43 Emotional drivers versus biological illness, and role, function, purpose

49:05 What happens in the mind during hypnosis

54:00 Why the brain only understands “now”

54:54 Conscious versus subconscious mind

58:00 Changing your state: laughter and the marathon mindset

01:01:27 Does “I’m not enough” drive success? Imposter syndrome

01:06:22 Why “flawsome” beats perfect

01:07:22 Marisa’s new book

01:13:38 Rapid fire

Connect with Marisa here:
Website: https://marisapeer.com/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/marisapeertherapy/

Research and Studies

  1. Hypnosis during IVF embryo transfer and pregnancy rates
  2. Placebo responses increasing over time in US clinical trials (Tuttle et al., 2015)
  3. How the colour of a tablet affects its perceived effect (de Craen et al., 1996, BMJ)
  4. The “genius pupils” teacher expectation experiment, where pupils were picked at random (Rosenthal and Jacobson, Pygmalion in the Classroom, 1968)
  5. Reframing nerves as excitement to improve performance (Brooks, 2014, Harvard Business School)
  6. Social laughter and raised pain thresholds (Dunbar et al., 2012)
  7. Stress as a component of primary care visits (Nerurkar et al., 2013, JAMA Internal Medicine)

Books

Your Mind, Your Rules by Marisa Peer 

A big thank you to Mythos for sponsoring this episode! 

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